Apr 2, 2018

Doubling Down




Spending like an idiot is the true path to sports car bliss. I like this car so I'm doubling down, like any clueless jackass would do in my situation. Then I will reach the promise land.

The M3/4/5 is esoteric slang for the M3, 4 door, 5 speed.   Not rare but not
 terribly common either; many have been totaled, worn out, or converted
to race cars due to the fantastic handling, and stiffer sedan body pillars.
 
I like it as much as my previous Carrera (no I don't). Doubling down on everything on an old M3 costs about as much as a shift knob for a Porsche.  Of course the Porsche was cooler, but the M3 is an old rock star that still has what it takes.  I could name rock stars now, but don't want to be judged.

More importantly you should follow me and do the same.  Let's be stupid together; I'll be your leader


Here's how you get started,  you find this online, then say to yourself  "I'll buy this 
rather than some newer car with a big payment plan.  I'm so conservative and wise."  
These cars are at the bottom of their market, for the moment.  They won't go lower.

Start by explaining to yourself that buying a new is easily $60 - 80,0000 so you've saved your family a fortune.  Ignore that little voice saying  "new cars are faster and have a warranty", that's pride f**in' wit ya. F** pridePride only hurts, it never helps.  This as an extra car for that 3rd bay in your garage.  You know the one with the recycling, and your artificial xmas tree parked in it.   Your minivan can be the "safe" purchase, lets take some risks and get a AAA card. 
Dirty fingernails are a badge of honor.  Wear them with pride (or paint them)
Bargains are bargains because you  can do the work,  not because there isn't work. 
Go get a Toyota Camry S or get a better job if you don't want to get your hands dirty.
The internet will help you justify your decision,  you can trust the internet.


Unfortunately I'm still paying for the stupidity of my past,  so actually
this should be a photo of a dude rolling coins instead of throwing bills
The truth is out there.  Just read between the lines in magazines.  They'll confirm what you know in your heart; that newer cars stink.  Trust your feelings, give in to your hate.
1. Electric steering systems falsely struggle to feel like the E36 M3
2. Magnetic ride suspension is cool, but must suck somehow. 
3. Big Brakes on production cars are cool, but too automated. You loose light braking feel.  
3. New cars are massive, full of cameras, sensors, airbags, and HEPA filters
4. Wheelbases keep increasing but mountain roads aren't changing at all.
5. Speakers to create a fake auditory exhaust experience. WTF? 
6. Don't get me started on automatics with paddle shifters.
7. They are faster, Oh wait, that's a good thing.  Just focus on the first 6 points. 
   
Suspension,  Okay, so that new car magnetic ride shit is amazing. Don't be so concerned about speed bumps or spilling that Starbucks.  The sporty feel of Dinan KONI Springs Shocks and Stabilizers reminds you you're driving a damn sports car, even at slow speeds. It's nothing to be ashamed of so let your freak flag fly.    
Dinan's yellow and blue crap makes me feel good inside.
Rest assured, you'll never get your money back for these
You look cool upside down on track day with all that yellow and blue.  If you need a car that turns into another car at 145mph, then you are not looking for a bargain sport sedan, you are looking for a race car.   Buy one, and get off my blog.  (and take me with you)
This is what a proper sporty exhaust look like.
 No wires no solenoids; no moving parts at all.
You may need more Speed.    It's hard to compete with the power modern cars are putting down.  Supercharging can get you back in the game a little. Don't be affraid, everybody's doing it.  But boost is like heroin, so keep it moderate and let those Kia Stingers pass if they are tailgating you. 
 Much more power and actually probably devalues the car.
Now we've hit the trifecta of stupidity.  Don't you just love it?
If you want to see it installed then send money.

Speed yes, but restrain yourself.  Nobody is fast if on the back of a flatbed.  Know your old motor's limitations. I have spent a few years and beers watching the Dyno at Blood Enterprises devour a car or two.  Unless building a motor for supercharging, be conservative as hell.  I'll be setting boost to 6-psi to match what Dinan offered and warranteed back in the 90's.   Everyone will tell you to do more boost, you can always do more. It might even hold up,  but it might not. Those guys aren't going to replace your head gasket are they?  If you are cheap, broke, or just plain uninspired then keep to this mantra: "Keep it simple stupid"


Note Ken's aftercooler, a must have upgrade for heat reduction.
Secret confession:  Boost is negated quite a bit at CO elevation, 
 those internet folks aren't that crazy, but I drive to Seattle often. 
You know all you really want is to open your hood at Cars and Coffees, Caffeine and Gasoline, or Douchebags and Donuts. 
Just keep telling yourself that new cars suck.  Any Autozone employee will tell you,  most new car developments are not for enthusiasts despite what the magazines say.  They are for the transportation safety board and Starbucks compatibility.


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You are a now a genius? You are going to be the envy of every drive through liquor store attendant in town.  Once you've got $20-30,000 spent on your $10,000 BMW, you are set.  You have improved your ride, AND assured it will never be feasible to sell. Congrats, and you're welcome 



But wait, there's more.

Doubling Down is an ongoing process.  There is more you will need to make your M3 special.
Future stupidity for me lies below.
These serve no purpose other than looking unique.  I want em.
Red or Blue colored Motorsports belts can be purchased various places online.
With an M3 sedan it's nice to bring back some sporty things to prove you are cool
Brakes are not something you need on an old M3 but they're certainly trendy.
When I buy some I'll paint them to look OEM-ish and match my seat belts too.

Over $3000 a set, Dinan/Fikses are the epitome of stupid.
That essentially guarantees I will eventually have them.  



This blog is brought to you by envy.  
Today my envy is primarily pointed at the new GT350 and GT360R,   Thanks for the inspiration
   




   

  











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